My Testimony:

From temptation to trust...

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 I have realized that over the past 8 years (from 2012-2020) I have not been living the life I was created for and I wanted that to change! I fell into the temptation of drugs, alcohol, and willingly putting myself in the wrong situations with the wrong people. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years and had been filling that “void of pain” with temporary solutions. I had definitely not been living my life for Christ and have realized that the only thing that can heal me is the love of God. HE IS PERMANENT!

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I am little disappointed in myself that it took me this long to realize that what I was doing to try to heal myself was a viscous cycle that just kept me in a deep deep state of depression. I felt lost and alone. I felt like I didn’t have friends I could count on. I felt like I couldn’t be myself because I was hindered by my depression but I HAVE BEEN SET FREE!

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Before I met God, I spent 4 days locked in my room drinking, listening to harsh depressing music, and starving myself all while wondering why I was still alive and feeling like I had no purpose anymore. I remember calling one of my really good friends and just being so upset of the self made reality that I would never find anyone that would love me; friends, family, a husband, kids, absolutely no one. That I would never have those friends I could really count on or trust or that I would never have a relationship with my family. That I would never get married or have a happy trusting relationship in Jesus. That I would never have kids or be able to raise them in a home that would be so loving that they would not have to worry about pain and suffering. That I would never be happy in general.

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THEN IT HIT ME!

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I didn’t want to keep living my life “temporarily” fixing the problem. I said NO MORE! I didn’t want to spend another day laying in bed for 10+ hours crying and feeling alone hoping that my sorrow would take that pain away. I didn't want to drink or smoke my depression away or temporarily "numbing the pain" for the rest of my life. I needed to reach out to some one and I needed help.

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 I messaged a friend of mine I’ve known for years who I have first-handedly watch God save him and set his soul free! I watched God do for him what he is now doing for me! I first asked him a question and was expecting an answer completely different than what I got then I asked another question, and another, and it just felt like the answers made so much sense. Then he told me to go watch a livestream on his Facebook that he did the Monday after Easter and everything he said felt like it had flipped a switch both in my heart and my mind. I instantly notices that he was so happy and so excited to be talking about the love of God and I wanted that happiness and excitement. I remember realizing that I’m not going to find that love or happiness from drugs or alcohol. I was never going to find that from acceptance through my so called "friends". I was only going to find it from GOD!

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After I finished my friends livestream, I broke down. It all made sense now! The Cross and Jesus taking sin upon himself so that we could be set free. How he rose again so and defeated death and showed us just how powerful he is. How Jesus won the battle for his authority to our hearts and it only took him 3 DAYS!!!!!! I realized the meaning of baptism and laying down my sins to walk in the light of Christ!

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I never needed drugs or alcohol to heal me I NEEDED JESUS and This void I was trying to fill inside me was that I didn’t have Jesus in my heart!

I’ve ruined so much of my life for the past 8 years; so many friendships, so many family events, so many opportunities to follow God by living with the devil at my side. I was so vulnerable to sin and I was and still am disappointed by how I so easily fed into that sin. I feel Gods pain and what he had to watch me go through but I know he forgives and loves me regardless.

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He loves everyone regardless. He created me for good! Not evil!! He created me for a purpose and that purpose is to live my life through him and spread the word of God to people that don’t know him.

The Lord is gentle, he is powerful, he is loving, caring, and will NEVER give up on ANYONE. He never gave up on me. He was just waiting for me to make the choice to follow him.

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Now I want to travel the country and the world spreading his good news. I want to share my testimony with others in hopes that it will lead them to Christ! I want to live and work for him!!!!

And that is only part of my story but all that matters is my future in Christ that starts every morning I wake up and living out my days with the constant focus on the Heavenly Father!

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I now have a burning fire in my soul for him. I get excited when I talk about him and I want to become a disciple of Christ and share his word around the world and help lead others to him!